| Amid UN
Failure on Ukraine Big Tony at the Twisted
Gun Makes Plea Calling Putin Papacito
By Matthew
Russell Lee, Patreon Maxwell
Book
BBC-Guardian
UK - Honduras
- ESPN
NY
Mag
LITERARY UN GATE,
April 20 -- Big Tony was
vivid, pacing or waddling
around in his big mansion on
Sutton Place. Who did these
retirees think they were,
telling him he should do more
on Ukraine?
It was an
American plot, Antonio
Guterres decided. He had never
trusted Jeff Feltman, one of
the signatories, and this was
why. Biden didn't have the
gumption or energy to go to
Kyev and now he was trying to
move to spotlight to the
UN.
But of
course Feltman was the least
of it. Another signer was
Dmitry Dovgopoly, a man so
corrupt he'd gotten suspended
by the UN. It had been Kurt
Wheelock who did it, maybe
just be dumb luck, before Fat
Tony had him roughed up and
thrown out of the UN. Kurt had
gotten a photograph of
Dovgolopy with his hands all
over two women he had invited
to a UN Procurement party in
the basement of the glass
house. This was worse than
stealing money from drone
bidding exercises. One of
these drones ended up
dead.
Still Tony
had to deal with the letter,
he decided. "Set up the
cameras at the Twisted Gun!"
he ordered his overpaid
spokesman Dujarric. How did
this man afford a penthouse on
the Upper East Side and a big
house on the beach in the
Hamptons? Let him work for
once.
Dujarric
of course palmed off the work
on others. Actually, the
zombie like press corpse would
do most of the work, standing
out on the windy plaza and
live streaming Tony's canned
Orthodox Easter speech even
though they weren't allowed
questions, no matter how lame.
Someone had made
a cartoon once of John Bolton
trying to untie the gun. But
at least he had tried to do
something with it. Guterres
just used it as a
prop.
And it
didn't work, really. The
pressure continued to build,
and not only on Kurt's
incoherent Twitter feed. The
Guardian wrote an article
about the letter, gentle to be
sure; in house Blue Pass which
always gave Big Tony a pass
published it - without the
signatories of course. They
had gotten so close to the UN
they had faux editorials by
former UN Presidents of the
General Assembly, themselves
involved in corruption, about
upcoming hot air conferences
that accomplished nothing but
through which aforesaid former
UN big wigs would get
paid. Tony would
be on the payola circuit soon,
like Ban Ki-moon already was.
But first he had to weather
the tempest in the UN teapot
about this failure on
Ukraine.
And
so, another idea. He would
write or deliver a letter to
both the Ukraine and the
Russian mission, asking to
visit and belatedly try to
play peacemaker. Both Mission
were in the same white brick
building on the Upper East
Side, so it wasn't hard.
But would
Putin deign to meet Big Tony?
Guterres had always sucked up
to Vlad, essentially calling
him Papacito. Vlad no longer
spoke to his Ambassador in
Washington, and in his duo at
the UN the younger one was
looking more active, a more
accurate representation of how
Vlad felt. Maybe he'd call
him.
But Kurt
Wheelock, even at the UN gate,
was listening...
***
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